try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Randomize
