When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
