I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
