My friends, they love my intelligence
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
