In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
