i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
