just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
