Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
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