she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Every concussion has its silver lining
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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