Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
