just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
