In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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