Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
