So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
