we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
