John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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