New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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