Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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