Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
