I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
