my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize