YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize