I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
