They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
