I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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