In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
