careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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