It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
