I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
not ubering you a puppy
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize