So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
