You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
