She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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