friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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