I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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