I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I wish i was in the wii world.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
