1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
what day is it and did you see me today?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Randomize