I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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