Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
