So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
