whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
