HIV tests are more positive than that guy
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
