Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
