I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
