I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
