my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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