Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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