if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
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