I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
