I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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