Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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