lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
