Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
