I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
