she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
