Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
