Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
