all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
