there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
We had to coat check the pizza.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
