She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
