If that was your dad, he is hot
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
im holly from the hills drunk
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
