Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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