i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
