so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize