just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
