So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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