it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
