If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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